By Jessica Gibbs
Last Friday, the topic of interracial dating was brought up in class. Generally speaking, there is some type of stigma associated with interracial dating in the African-American community. Whether it involves a black male with a Caucasian female or vice versa, there will always be people who oppose the idea of dating outside of one's race. But race is an aspect of a person that he/she can not control, like age. To eliminate racial tensions and achieve personal happiness, interracial dating should be accepted in all forms and fashions.
People should not eliminate possible future mates solely because the color of their skin. As an infant, that child did not have a say in the race of his or her parents. Not giving someone a chance, or disapproving of another relationship because of the race of a person is nothing more than a modern version of prejudice or pre-judging. Many times people feel that because an African-American male is dating a Caucasian women that he is turning his back on the women of his race. I can not count the amount of times I've heard the argument that " there's so few available black men in the world and these white women are taking them all for themselves". In both of these views on this relationship, the accuser is automatically judging the character of either the African-American man or the Caucasian woman. *However I must acknowledge that there are also some people involved in interracial relationships who are guilty of slight prejudice as well. Using the example above, let's say an African-American male was dating a Caucasian female for show (i.e. because he believed she was "easier" than a black woman, gave less attitude , or something equally stereotypically of women in general).*
Apart from relieving racial tensions, interracial relationships should be accepted because the persons involved are seeking personal happiness. There might be outstanding qualities in a member of the opposite race that one is seeking in a soul mate. Why should a person sacrifice such a genuine connection just because his or her partner belongs to another race? If one has ever seen the movie "Something New" starring Sanaa Lathan, he or she could attest to the realness of the predicament "Kenya" (Sanaa Lathan) found herself in. She is a college- educated, successful, professional woman looking for someone to complement her. However, it seemed as if all the men she encountered (African-American) did not meet her personal criteria. After " letting go and letting [it] flow", a new phrase for finding love between Kenya and her friends, Kenya found herself dating a Caucasian landscaper. He was not rich. He was not black, but he made her happy. He brought out Kenya's suppressed side ( including her choice in hairstyle, style in her apartment, and certainly shortened her list of things she "doesn't" do). Once the outside pressure and opinions of her new boyfriend finally took a toll on their relationship, Kenya found herself dating a black man who exceeded her expectations in a mate, (the drop dead
gorgeous) Blair Underwood. Unfortunately Blair does not make Kenya as happy as Brian did, so she ends back up with the man who truly has her heart, despite his color (or lack thereof).
If interracial dating is accepted, it should be accepted in all forms and fashions. I do not understand how one can accept the courtship of a black woman and white man but totally oppose a black man dating a white woman or the other way around. Love is not restricted to any color, size, of shape. So why should the finding the person to reciprocate these feelings of love be restricted to a specific race? I personally have "talked" to a Caucasian male before simply because he was attractive and to get to know him better. If a person only experiences one type/
race of prospective mates, he or she may miss out on a great opportunity to form an authentic love connection. Although there was clearly no love connection, I am not close minded to dating outside of my race. As students at Spelman and Morehouse College, we are constantly encouraged to leave with our degrees and a "Spel-house" relationship, but let's be open-minded to different experiences.
Last Friday, the topic of interracial dating was brought up in class. Generally speaking, there is some type of stigma associated with interracial dating in the African-American community. Whether it involves a black male with a Caucasian female or vice versa, there will always be people who oppose the idea of dating outside of one's race. But race is an aspect of a person that he/she can not control, like age. To eliminate racial tensions and achieve personal happiness, interracial dating should be accepted in all forms and fashions.
People should not eliminate possible future mates solely because the color of their skin. As an infant, that child did not have a say in the race of his or her parents. Not giving someone a chance, or disapproving of another relationship because of the race of a person is nothing more than a modern version of prejudice or pre-judging. Many times people feel that because an African-American male is dating a Caucasian women that he is turning his back on the women of his race. I can not count the amount of times I've heard the argument that " there's so few available black men in the world and these white women are taking them all for themselves". In both of these views on this relationship, the accuser is automatically judging the character of either the African-American man or the Caucasian woman. *However I must acknowledge that there are also some people involved in interracial relationships who are guilty of slight prejudice as well. Using the example above, let's say an African-American male was dating a Caucasian female for show (i.e. because he believed she was "easier" than a black woman, gave less attitude , or something equally stereotypically of women in general).*
Apart from relieving racial tensions, interracial relationships should be accepted because the persons involved are seeking personal happiness. There might be outstanding qualities in a member of the opposite race that one is seeking in a soul mate. Why should a person sacrifice such a genuine connection just because his or her partner belongs to another race? If one has ever seen the movie "Something New" starring Sanaa Lathan, he or she could attest to the realness of the predicament "Kenya" (Sanaa Lathan) found herself in. She is a college- educated, successful, professional woman looking for someone to complement her. However, it seemed as if all the men she encountered (African-American) did not meet her personal criteria. After " letting go and letting [it] flow", a new phrase for finding love between Kenya and her friends, Kenya found herself dating a Caucasian landscaper. He was not rich. He was not black, but he made her happy. He brought out Kenya's suppressed side ( including her choice in hairstyle, style in her apartment, and certainly shortened her list of things she "doesn't" do). Once the outside pressure and opinions of her new boyfriend finally took a toll on their relationship, Kenya found herself dating a black man who exceeded her expectations in a mate, (the drop dead
gorgeous) Blair Underwood. Unfortunately Blair does not make Kenya as happy as Brian did, so she ends back up with the man who truly has her heart, despite his color (or lack thereof).
If interracial dating is accepted, it should be accepted in all forms and fashions. I do not understand how one can accept the courtship of a black woman and white man but totally oppose a black man dating a white woman or the other way around. Love is not restricted to any color, size, of shape. So why should the finding the person to reciprocate these feelings of love be restricted to a specific race? I personally have "talked" to a Caucasian male before simply because he was attractive and to get to know him better. If a person only experiences one type/
race of prospective mates, he or she may miss out on a great opportunity to form an authentic love connection. Although there was clearly no love connection, I am not close minded to dating outside of my race. As students at Spelman and Morehouse College, we are constantly encouraged to leave with our degrees and a "Spel-house" relationship, but let's be open-minded to different experiences.
13 comments:
Dating outside of one's race is stigmatized because of the way Americans have been socialized. Due to different social issues (i.e. slavery and segregation) the idea of being able to date outside of one's race and it be acceptable is rather taboo. Though race is an uncontrollable aspect, who you date is and dating outside of your race will not eliminate racial tensions but instead it will cause an uneasiness between the couple; and when out in public people will frown and make judgments about that couple based on preconceived notions of who should date who.
Though looking through a rose colored glass is ideal, the truth is America is not ready to face the idea of intermixing different races. It is seen as more of an insult for an African American male to be dating a Caucasian woman then is the opposite. Think about. How often do you see an interracial couple, and think dag she is taking all of our good men. I mean from the statistics we hear most of our black men are dead or in jail, we don't want to loose the rest to other races. I think one reason we think like this is because essentially if all black men dated white women then how would our race continue? One reason that white people think this way is because they have been conditioned to believe that black men are inferior to white men and should not be allowed to touch "the pure white women". Unfortunately, there is some merit to both statements. Though there are colleges like Morehouse College, that is only a small microcosm of the real world. In reality there are LIMITED black well educated black men suitable for marriage.
After watching the documentary, "Black in America" I came to realize that interracial couples still have it hard. Not only are they subjected to a life of uneasiness but they also subject their children to being discriminated against and also to having identity crisis. Seeing how the white man, in the documentary, had to essentially leave his family alone in order to marry his black girlfriend shows an important thing. Even in 2008 with all of the "perceived progress" that America has made, we still can not date outside of our race, and thinking that doing so will relieve racial tensions is very ignorant and uninformed. Honestly, love SHOULD NOT be limited by the color of one's skin but in ALL HONESTY IT IS. Maybe one day we will be able to accept interracial couples because we won't look at race, but that day has yet to come.
I came across an online community for individual seeking interracial love. It is ++++((((---Blackwhitemeet. C O M))))++++ All singles there are seeking interracial relationships. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!
People should definitely maintain an open mind about these things. If you refuse to date someone just because of their color, you're missing out on the true beauty that is usually deeper than the skin.
At the same time, interracial couples have to be realistic about the way society (and their own families and friends) will judge them for their decision. It is important that a couple be culturally compatible. Usually, that means they are of the same race, background, and/or religious faith, though that's not always the case.
I know many interracial couples, one who has been married over 30 years. Of course, I also know many "same-race" couples who didn't last. If the love is real and the two people involved want to make it work, I wish them all the luck in the world. Black, white, straight, gay, or other, they are going to need all the help they can get in order to build a happy, successful life together.
It's difficult for me to understand why there are people that have a problem with interracial dating because growing up, my Caucasian older sister, a good ten years older than me, started dating an African American man, a man that I love as my brother and have known since the age of four. Even living in the south where it's said to be worse than other parts of the country, I've never seen either judged based on the fact that they are together. I'm not altogether naive. I do understand that it happens and I have heard the stereotypes and heard the many, "why do the white girls steal the good black guys?" It's just that it's so natural for me that there was never a moment of thinking about their skin colors and having an opinion based on that alone. People are people. Nothing else should matter.
Let a person be happy. Isn't that what we're all trying to achieve? Happiness? Why deny someone love just because they happen to have more or less melanin in their skin? If you're going to use this excuse, then maybe people with blue eyes should only be allowed to be with another with blue eyes. And a brunette woman should only be allowed to marry a man with the same shade of color in his hair. That seems as logical to me as basing a relationship on the color of skin.
R. Tuzo
When children are young, they don't see color or race. They see each other, THATS IT! Black children will play with hispanics, and whites with indians because they are too young to understand that societal constructs want them to hate each other. They haven't been influenced enough by their parents ideals, or their neighborhood's ideals, or their community's ideals and therefore don't see race as an issue. Prejudice is learned, not innate.
It's for this very reason that I think it's so much problems with interracial dating. When we are grown up and entering the dating scene, it's usually after years of being fed fairytales by our parents, communities and other sources about who our ideal mates should be. "Tall Dark & Handsome" "Piercing Blue Eyes" or "Italian Stallion". It's the common assumption that one will grow up and be with someone of their own race so feeding us such information from a young age has subconscious affects for the most part, not to mention the large part society and it's racially segregated undertones play in our selection of our partners.
I personally could care less about the color of someone's skin color because all races have more in common, than the have differences. All races can break hearts, and therefore the personality of someone matters way more to me than what their skin color is. I am attracted to plenty of white men, Brad Pitt is gorgeous and so is Orlando Bloom and so is Johnny Depp. But I am just as attracted to actors like Taye Diggs, Shemar Moore and Boris Kodjoe. In my personal opinion, what embedded in you from a child will determine your opinion on interracial dating.
By Marquise Alston
Of course interracial marriage should be accepted. Unlike gay marriage there is nothing biblically or religously keeping people from morally finding interracial marriage wrong. In a perfect society, interracial marriage would be looked at like a same race marriage, unfortunatley, that society does not exist.
The problem of interracial marriage only lies within Caucaions and African-Americans. No one gets angry when White Man courts the Asian woman or vice versa. Nor are African-Americans as upset when one of their own courts someone of latin descent. However, when it comes to blacks and whites having relations, many people of these races just get furious at the thought.
The fact of the matter is this, the reason why people have a problem caucasion and blacks dating is based on the societal issues that African-American have and still endure. Racism is still alive and the effects of slavery are still felt amongst many.
In my personal opinion love knows no race, gender, or color. If only we lived in a world that gave truth to this statement. Many people hold the fear of being judged for various reasons. Black men have been thought to be inferior, women have been inferior, and white males have been superior. When people date out of their race issues of past prejudice arise, and cause society to judge them based on past racial instances whether from slavery or other climaxes in history that focused on inferiority. People should be allowed to date/love whoever they see fit. Unfortunately people are faced with other people’s prejudices and insecurities. One can only gain and keep the strength to avoid these negative instances.
Destinee Moore
I whole heartedly agree that interracial dating should be accepted in our communites. People shoule be allowed to date and love whomever they please without ciricism from others. Dating is is such a personal decision, societies input should be allowed. Especially regarding the race or ethnicity of your partner.
But the reason for the (still) hatred towards interracial relationships is simply racism. Countless people are prejudice and racist. They do not want to see someone of their race with someone of the opposite. And sadly, this usually refers to those who are white and black.
Before reading this post, i can say that I was against interracial dating specificaly white women with black men and do be honest, I am not to sure why I was against it. I do agree with christina's comment in which she said that 'race is stigmatized because of the way Americans have been socialized'. I have been socialized to not accept interracial dating, therefore that is what has been embedded in my head. But I do agree that love has no specific race or color and if somebody from a different race makes you happy, then go with that. I wish that everyone was able to accept interraical dating and that people weren't brought up to think that interracial dating is bad because you may be missing out on something you never expected!
S. Childs...
I disagree that interracial dating eliminates racial tensions and helps achieve personal happiness. It is an oversimplified solution to a complex problem that has plagued America (as well as other countries)for generations. Simply dating a person of another race will not suddenly erase prejudices that one has picked up over the course of their lives.
The author also disreagrds the fact that many people--whether you want to acknowledge it or not--choose to date outside of their race largely due to the socialization of self-hate. Many African Americans have been socialized to believe that they are inferior to whites. In a futile attempt to gain "approval," many African Americans and other people of color choose to sever most or all ties with people of their own race, including possible love partners. I have met and heard Black men assert reasons why white (or non-Black) women in general are "better" or "preferable," therefore proving that racial prejudice is NOT eliminated in interracial dating.
Dating outside of one's race does not necessarily lead to personal happiness either. Like others have said, the pressures in society still exist towards interracial couples. It also does not cancel out years of socialization of self-hate.
Interracial dating is topic that is hard for me to grasp and make one general conclusion about. While I prefer to date within my race, I would not totally discriminate to dating outside of my race, nor would I look down upon to someone who chooses to do for.
From a personal experience, my best friend is of mixed ethnicites- her father is African and her mother is white. Her parents are very nice and welcoming and to me discriminating against interracial realtionships would be to discriminate against her for being biracial.
The only reason in which I do not support interracial relationships is when someone dates outside of their race solely because they believe that potential suitors from their race are not worthy to be dated (i.e. when wealthy, accomplished Black men only date white women because they believe that Black women would only want them for their money and success).
In any other case, LOVE IS LOVE AND LEAVE IT AT THAT.
-Justine Burke
I believe that love is not confined within a particular color, race, etc. Of course, everyone has their personal opinions on interacial dating/ marriage. However, one should not judge another's decision based on their personal beliefs in regards to their "courting" preferences. Just as Black woman can love a man of another race, so can a Black man. By: Farrah Shelly
I completely agree with Christina's response that interracial dating is stigmatized. Although I am completely open to the idea of interracial relationships, I personally would not date outside my race. I know this sounds very contradictory, but I believe it goes back to slavery. Racial pride is constantly a great emphasis in t he Black community. So much emphasis is placed on Blacks about being proud of their race, loving themselves as well as their black sisters and brothers. I think these constant emphasis cause people to believe that people dating outside the race are sell outs. I too am among the Black people who get a little perturbed at the sight of a Black man with a White woman. I find myself uttering the common phrase "there is already a shortage of good Black men and here she's goes cutting our numbers." However, I am not opposed to interracial dating. Seeing an Asian woman and a Japanese man would not bother me at all. I think the constant emphasis of Black pride and a slave mentality that Black people still keep cause the disapproval of interracial dating. I agree that love should not be restricted by color lines. However, I am a firm supporter of Black love. Speaking from a personal level I feel that interracial disproval is a result of socialization. I feel that our circle of friends, communities, teachings and indoctrinations are a result of the various opinions people have towards the subject.
-A. Pruitt
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