The college experience is one of kind. In college students learn about themselves, cultivate their dreams and most of all make lasting relationships. Upon arriving in college the mass pool of new and interesting people is almost overwhelming. Additionally, dating, always an interesting topic of discussion concerning college students is an area of exploration. College students often play the field in an effort to mingle and meet new people. As students mature through college the idea of dating multiple people often becomes mundane, and college men and women get into committed relationships. Ideally, most people would like to meet their future husband or wives in college. However, depending upon the setting, sustaining a committed relationship in college could be a difficult task.
The Atlanta University Center is especially a unique college setting. The schools that make up the AUC in particular Spelman, Clark Atlanta University and Morehouse, although populated with over thousands of people have very close knit relationships. In regards to networking, these relationships are ideal. However, when it comes to personal intimate relationships the familiarity of students within the AUC can become a problem.
First, relationships in the AUC often do not work because everyone knows everyone. In college the most successful relationships are those that stray away public attention. However, this is almost impossible with networks such as Myspace, Facebook and the many interactive networks of people from various schools. Couples can usually only maintain a low key status about a relationship for only so long until someone who happens to know the two of them puts their business on display.
Another set up for disaster is the availability of mates. Although the combined population of the schools is massive, the odds of a person dating someone who their friend or associate has not dated are usually slim to known. Again, familiarity becomes a major problem.
Additionally, there is a high rate of STDs and AIDs in the AUC. This is definitely an issue when trying to choose a mate. You cannot look at someone and tell if they have either, and many college students are reluctant to get tested. The facts concerning this issue often deter students from pursuing relationship with student as the respective colleges.
Overall, maintaining a relationship in the AUC is by far a difficult task one that I would not recommend for the aforementioned reasons. If a student in the AUC, and your dream was to marry out of college I suggest that you find your potential mate at another institution outside the Atlanta University Center
Additionally, there is a high rate of STDs and AIDs in the AUC. This is definitely an issue when trying to choose a mate. You cannot look at someone and tell if they have either, and many college students are reluctant to get tested. The facts concerning this issue often deter students from pursuing relationship with student as the respective colleges.
Overall, maintaining a relationship in the AUC is by far a difficult task one that I would not recommend for the aforementioned reasons. If a student in the AUC, and your dream was to marry out of college I suggest that you find your potential mate at another institution outside the Atlanta University Center
Response by Blkadonis
It goes without saying that having a relationship and maintaining one that involves open lines of communication and trust comes with its challenges and benefits. However, I would be very careful to suggest individuals find their mates outside of the AUC when a number of "healthy" marriages today started here.
In reference to VergeN's initial point of familiarity, although there is a large student population here within the AUC, this setting does not add to the claim that "everyone knows everyone." In fact, it speaks more to the diversity of the area. Also, it is a bit naive to suggest that facebook and myspace play a role in destroying relationships. Those in relationships should opt to control what information is accessible on these sites or opt to not be an active member of the site. Albeit some information has leaked via facebook feed, photo albums and other applications; it does not negate the issue at hand. Simply put, those involved in relationships should take proactive steps to make all information on their respective accounts secure and TRUTHFUL!!
Moreover, the availability of mates within the AUC is an argument which should speak more to the ratio of male to females rather than the meticulousness of certain individuals. For instance, it's a known fact that there are more females than males here in the AUC. And at best, this argument is counterproductive to the writer's first claim that "everyone knows everyone." I, personally, do not know everyone. Therefore, everyone does not know eveyone.
Finally, I do agree that there is a high prevalence of HIV/AIDS and other STDs here in the AUC. I also agree that this is a factor in determining one's partner. This claim assumes that "sexual relations" is involved in these relationships, almost as if it is a precondition to getting to know someone. This simply is not the case.
I have always been ever the champion for finding a mate that respects and cares for you unconditionally. One may find one's "soul mate" here in the AUC. The problem comes when persons bring "baggage" into new relationships and thereby hinder progress towards a "healthy relationship." Relationships are about open and honest dialogue, understanding of both party's background, and support. It is the 80/20 theory. We each must decide what 20% we can live without in the other person. The 80% is what keeps a relationship going. One does not have to search outside of the AUC to find someone to meet them on these levels. In fact, the AUC is a vast ocean of exemplary individuals who each would make great mates.
18 comments:
It goes without saying that having a relationship and maintaining one that involves open lines of communication and trust comes with its challenges and benefits. However, I would be very careful to suggest individuals find their mates outside of the AUC when a number of "healthy" marriages today started here.
In reference to VergeN's initial point of familiarity, although there is a large student population here within the AUC, this setting does not add to the claim that "everyone knows everyone." In fact, it speaks more to the diversity of the area. Also, it is a bit naive to suggest that facebook and myspace play a role in destroying relationships. Those in relationships should opt to control what information is accessible on these sites or opt to not be an active member of the site. Albeit some information has leaked via facebook feed, photo albums and other applications; it does not negate the issue at hand. Simply put, those involved in relationships should take proactive steps to make all information on their respective accounts secure and TRUTHFUL!!
Moreover, the availability of mates within the AUC is an argument which should speak more to the ratio of male to females rather than the meticulousness of certain individuals. For instance, it's a known fact that there are more females than males here in the AUC. And at best, this argument is counterproductive to the writer's first claim that "everyone knows everyone." I, personally, do not know everyone. Therefore, everyone does not know eveyone.
Finally, I do agree that there is a high prevalence of HIV/AIDS and other STDs here in the AUC. I also agree that this is a factor in determining one's partner. This claim assumes that "sexual relations" is involved in these relationships, almost as if it is a precondition to getting to know someone. This simply is not the case.
I have always been ever the champion for finding a mate that respects and cares for you unconditionally. One may find one's "soul mate" here in the AUC. The problem comes when persons bring "baggage" into new relationships and thereby hinder progress towards a "healthy relationship." Relationships are about open and honest dialogue, understanding of both party's background, and support. It is the 80/20 theory. We each must decide what 20% we can live without in the other person. The 80% is what keeps a relationship going. One does not have to search outside of the AUC to find someone to meet them on these levels. In fact, the AUC is a vast ocean of exemplary individuals who each would make great mates.
Having a relationship is a task in itself without the added "AUC" component into the equation. I would agree that because of the tight network of the three schools in the AUC, a popular relationship can have no secrets. With the prevalence of facebook and gossip articles such as the 20 questions, it is very hard for any popular relationship to thrive.
I do not, however, agree that the high rates of STD and HIV/AIDS play a part in the difficulty of finding/maintaining a relationship. These rates are high in the AUC, however, I do not believe that many people take this into great consideration when first intiating a relationship. This is something to be consider when a sexual relationship starts. I believe that relationships are hard to find in the AUC because most people believe that they are young and not ready to commit.
I agree with blkadonis. The AUC does present a number of challenges for the forming lasting relationships. However, the benefits that not only dating, but social interaction in the AUC afford outweigh the drawbacks.
Realistically, this setting is unique and a young Black student will be hard pressed to find a more comprehensive and diverse pool of acceptable mates.
The AUC can be as small or as large as you make it. Everyone might know everyone, but they only know the details of each other's lives if that information is freely given. If couples are discrete and keep the intimate details of their relationship to themselves, there is less gossip and speculation regarding their "business".
Also, the argument that dating within the AUC should be avoided because of STDs is unfounded. The AUC is a microcosm for the Black community at large. One should be selective in choosing who to become sexually involved with no matter what institution that person attends. STDs are not restricted to the confines of these institutions. No matter what the rate is in the AUC, it only takes two people to pass along an STD.
Shaunicie Fielder
After reading both article, I would have to agreee most with blkadonis. He makes a valid point that te AUC is an environment unlike any other in its vast diversity and surplus of young adults. I do beleive it is soemwhat more difficult to maintian a private relationship, but one must be preperaed to be visible. Expect to be seen, and expec for people to know. If you don't want to be seen with soemone, why date them? And he made a valid piont,"everyone does not know everyone" so going into a relaitonship with that idea will only be a personal hinderance. The key to any healthy relationship is communication, trust, and genuine interest. THose characteristics can exist within the AUC. Generally speaking, when it comes to relationships, you should always choose carefully,whether in be onside or outside of the AUC.
K. Haley
I agree with you, Facebook and other social networking sites are not the tell all in relationships. I think that social networking sites get the most flack because they essentially connect us to the people within our demographics; but like you said keeping your personal life off the internet can help curtail some of this "people all in your business". I also agree that the AUC has fostered some dynamic relationships and that there is no better place to look then here. VergeN I hear your argument and understand your concern about the AIDs and STD epidemic in the AUC but if your partner is not willing to submit to a test prior to sexual interactions than you might not want to be having a relationship with him/her.
I disagree with you blkadonis, I think that since our schools are so close it is possible that one of your friends knows one of my friends at another school just because of classification, parties, and other interactions. I feel like since we are on a collegiate level people should not be as interested in others' relationships and should be more focused on themselves (which is what I see on a daily basis here). Most of the people I come in contact with could care less about someone else's relationship because they have their own problems and lives to live.
I agree completely with your last paragraph. It is not necessary to look outside the AUC for a mate, because the AUC offers mates that are culturally rich and diverse, educated and overall interesting.
Christina M. Taylor
In response to VergeN's claim that Atlanta University realtionships are often "unhealthy" due to familiarity or because "everyone knows everyone," I would like to point out that it is the responsibilty of the two people who are involved in the relationship to ensure that outsiders do not pry into their relationship and try to destroy with elementary gossip. We are all adults here in the AUC and although a times the setting may be reminiscent of a high school environment, we are ultimately in control of our own personal relationships. Futhermore, there have been countless relationships that have worked between AUC students in the past.
Another point that the writer discusses is the fact that many students here in the AUC have STDs or may be infected with HIV. While this may be true, it is also a known fact that HIV/AIDS is a worldwide epedemic that affects black people everywhere. One could attend a predominately white institution in a suburbian area where there is only one other black person, and that one black person may indeed be infected with HIV/AIDS. I state that to say that just because many people have STDs here in the AUC, does not mean that if AUC students venture outside of the AUC to find mates who they feel will be "less STD or HIV/AIDS prone," they are sadly mistaken. Again, it is ultimately the responsbility of the two people in the relationship to ensure that the other people is healthy enough to engage in sexual realtions with the other.
Justine Burke
I disagree with the argument that blkadonis said simply because I attend school in the AUC and I know that most relationships rarely last in the AUC. When the writer (who wrote the blog) stated that 'everyone knows everyone' didn't mean it literally, it should have been taken as everyone is connectd to everyone in some shape or form, which from my experience is true. I am not saying that one cannot have a successful relationship in the AUC, I am saying that everyone will most likely be in their business and the couple could find it hard to keep everyone in their business because of jealousy or whatever the case might be. To add on, most guys in the AUC aren't ready to settle down seriously because there are WAY to many girls to choose from and they can't make up their minds. In concluding, I am not saying that it is impossible to have a healthy relationship in the AUC, just simply stating that it would be extremely difficult based on the circumstances.
-Whitnee Goins
It is true that a good portion of relationships in the AUC, mainly Morehouse, Spelman, and Clark, end on bad terms because of other people's interference. The world is a small place and these same issues occur outside of the AUC. Everyone is connected through someone. We also cannot disregard the successful marriages/relationships that do come from the AUC. These issues are more focused on maturity and how people let outside forces impact their lives.
-Destinee Moore
Having a productive, and healty relashionship in the AUC is a difficult task. I agree that it is hard to have this kind of relashionship in this unique college setting.As previously stated in the orignial argument, it is hard to find someone that your friends or classmates do not already know, know of, or have already dated. This becomes a problem because it already adds others into your relashionship. The point is valid that other students will know your business, not only through media sources, but also just through word of mouth because your friends/classmates already knew your significant other. I agree with most of the points in the original argument, however, if one both people in the relashionship are committed to being together without any outside distractions, and media sources, perhaps a relashionship in the AUC can be successful, but it would take strength and determination to get through. My soulution to this problem is to date outside the AUC all together.
Commentary by Lauren B
I definitely agree with the argument that mantaining a relationship in the Atlanta University Center is difficult, however I do not think it is necessary for a sucessful relationship to seek companionship in outside colleges. As Ashley stated, the familiarity of students within the AUC is ne of the main problems with colelge relationships. With freinds from back home, Spelman Sisters and MOrehouse brothers, and just friends forming and networking, it is very difficult to keep one's relationship between the two persons involved in it. Many times when a relationship fails it is because of an outside influence, and with all these people involved there is a great possibilty for people's opinion, facts and overall influence to take a toll on the relationship. However, it is possible. I have a friend who has been in a relationship with a man of morehouse since freshman year. Although it is difficult with plenty of the he said she said as well as the inbox messages via facebook and myspace ( as ashley stated). But if two people are really committed to one another, then they might be able to turn off the outside voices and just focus on each other. Just because it might be difficult to have a relationship in the AUC doesn't meant that you should just throw away th chance of getting to know many great people who could possibly be wife/husband material.
- Jessica GIbbs
This is a very interesting take on the issue of relationships in the AUC but i believe it is quite pessimistic. Obviously, in coming to college, as studetns, our first priority should be school work and not reslatiionships. But personally I don't think anythihng is wrong with being in healty relationsihps as long as, like you mentioned, all information shared is truthful.
As young peopole we should obviously be careful about who we have relations with, physical and metnal, considering how society is today. But that doesn't mean we should ward off every person trying to form a relationship with us.
Maybe I"m somewhat of a hopeless romanitc, but I thik the whole 'spelhouse' thing is cute. As long as every relationship is carried out responsibly, all si well.
Best Regards,
Charise Patterson
I do not agree that it is neccessarily best to build your personal relationship outside of the AUC. Facebook, and schoolmates are not the ones who destroy a relationship; The ones actually in the relationship are primarily responsible for what happens. In addition, I strongly disagree with the comment that the AUC is known for the most contracting of STDs and HIV.
By: Farrah Shelly
By Marquise Alston
This argument is insulating no one at any college should date and marry their college sweethearts given the bloggers following claims: The schools that make up the AUC in particular Spelman, Clark Atlanta University and Morehouse, although populated with over thousands of people have very close knit relationships, everyone knows everyone, there is a high rate of STDs and AIDs in the AUC.
I agree when the bloggers comment about the AUC being a unique set up since the AUC is made up of three different institutions but I do not see the correlation between dating and the AUC. The AUC is made up of about 10 thousand students which is equivalent to most state and public universities as well as private universities. These students use Facebook and Myspace just as much as AUC students, if not more yet I know students within in institutions such as Yale & George Washington Universities that have survived being in a relationship and college just fine. So why does that make the AUC any different? At no institution does “everyone know everyone” it is impossible. If anything the AUC gives a couple more of an upper hand in privacy since it is more challenging to get to know people that attend a different institution than one institution that contains 10,000 students.
The choice of how private a couple chooses to be is personal decision made amongst the couple and should not be at the fault of attending an institution in the AUC. Many marriages are started in the AUC and will continue as long as the schools AUC remain functioning.
I feel that many of the ideas stated in the post have the possibility of being true, but are not FACT. It is imperative that when making such strong statements one consider the implications.
Many relationships formed in the AUC have been successful.
I feel that because some AUC relationships have not ended with sunshine people jump to the conclusion that they do not work.
Regardless of which institution a person attends, only the want and desire to be in a relationship can ensure its success.
Though they are considerable, the claims made by A. Pruitt are not necessarily relevant to every individual in the AUC. The chances that a friend has already dated someone who I may be interested in depends on the social lives of various group of friends. Not everyone in the AUC has dated multiple people upon entry to college. Maybe a few, but not so much to a point that we need to recycle dating partners. None of my friends have dated anyone I'm interested in.
Also, the high rate of STDs & HIV/AIDS is not a problem unique to the AUC. This is a problem among young people, with a high rate in the greater Atlanta area, not just the AUC. Looking for a partner at another college-- especially in Atlanta--does not signficantly decrease the chances that he/she may have an STD or HIV/AIDS.
And as blkadonis said, Facebook & MySpace can only be controlled by people; they do not destroy realtionships. People in relationships should exercise good judgement and avoid displaying private information.
In contrast to Kristen's statement, I lost five fpounds instaed of gaining fifteen. We as individuals have different body structures.Therefore, the way our body intakes food is different. Someone's metabolism might not be as high as the next person, meaning that the next person might have to watch what they eat more. I just can't conclude that Spelman College is the one to blame for one's unhealthy ways. Sure, Spelman, might have factors that make it a little harder to stay in shape, but the person responsible is really yourself.
It's my personal belief that sure relationships in the college age range in general don't really last, not just in the AUC. The same things that plague relationships in this community, plague relationships outside of the community, just like there are plenty of healthy relationships seen both within and outside of this community. The general maturity levels of college students are not suited for relationships, hence the reason why they fail. It has nothing to do with the AUC really, but I guess it's always easier to blame something other than ourselves.
Response By Marquise Alston
There is saying that I heard once, Gays and Lesbians should have the right to be experience the misery of marriage. I agree with Justine in that, Homosexuals should have the right to marry and it is one f the most controversial issues of our time.
In reference to Justine’s first point of the rights of voters and constitutional rights, although there is a separation of church and states, morals as well as values often get confused with religion. The United States is a democracy, a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system. That right is important to many Americans no matter homosexual or heterosexual. Sometimes moral issues are left up to the people to vote on which is what many people want. Having one judge or nine has been proven to not always be favorable to the people the judgement effects. For example, a court reversed Washington, DC’s gun ban. Since DC is very high in crime, many DC residents and their lone congresswoman were outraged. They felt the need for the gun ban in order to reduce crime and keep people safe because they know there own community. However, a judge’s job is to make a decision by interpreting the constitution and the situation his or herself.
In regards to Justine’s second point, on Why should the courts and government have any say in what one chooses to do in his/her own personal life? Its not that the courts want to intervene with people’s personal lives, the problem is that in many states the term marriage is defined as a man and woman. Changing that definition means changing many other things such as insurance, taxes and such. It could effect the country economically in a positive or negative way.
In regards to Justine’s third point on Christianity, there are many different denominations under the term Christianity. I would be careful say that “all” Christians oppose gay marriage. Different churches interpret Christianity in a different way, thus, some churches including ones in California marry and welcome homosexual couples. Although not all people are Christians, there are many other religions that are practiced in the United States that are opposed to gay marriage just as some Christians. It is also not good infer that people who do not practice religion are for same-sex marriage. That simply isn’t proven.
I believe that same- sex marriage should be legal, however, I believe it takes time for change.
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